“Hey sorry I can’t make it tomorrow”
If that sounds familiar, it’s probably coming from a consistent flake-friend, someone who isn’t too keen on meeting up, both of the aforementioned, or even you. Something I’ve learned in college – not just at Berkeley – is that making friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc. in college takes so much more time, commitment, and consistent effort than you’d normally expect.
As a high school student, I took many of my relationships with people for granted because I not only was in constant close proximity with them, but also was accustomed to seeing them everyday. Starting college, I realized that a few of the new college friends I met and tried to hang out with again would often make excuses, leave me on seen, have the plans fall through, or not show up.
The first time it happens is not necessarily an indicator – people forget, or are almost always busy with school and activities! But after the third or even the fourth time not showing up or answering texts, the friend probably had just given up on making the effort. After a few months have gone by, it can be somewhat awkward to try to contact each other again because it’s been so long (in addition to a shared history of cancelled plans) and that’s something I find so sad about friendships in college.
Then again, the many friends I have maintained relationships with – though I only see them at most once every few weeks (or even months) – have consistently kept in touch and checked up on me throughout the year as I have with them! I enjoy hitting up one of my buddies every so often to go get food and drinks together, and just catch up on everything in life 😊
I’ve realized that close college friendships can be so much more meaningful because of the extra effort needed to keep in touch. It’s about keeping and maintaining those relationships rather than meeting up out of necessity and never hanging out again – and it’s through this filtering process that we see which friends really want to be a part of our lives.
See you next Friday 😍